It was a truly wonderful day in which so many people from so many backgrounds came together unified in love and concern for their fellows.  It was a “Kingdom of God” experience for me.  People at their best.

Sometimes I make cups of tea, sometimes I welcome people.  On the odd occasion when one of the regular drivers is unavailable the old ladies cheerfully take their lives in their hands as I sit behind the wheel, and they call out conflicting directions to me whenever I get to a junction.  So far we have always arrived intact and on time.  It’s a bit ridiculous that I should be driving the minibus, but what is really silly, or always seems so to me, is that I should be entrusted with giving a thought for the day or the prayers.

My faith is developing in a way that is making me very vague.  I don’t have any certainties but this.  That God is love and we can relax in that love.  Recognising the unstoppable generosity of God’s love, our job is to be similarly generous in loving others.  I am fortunate to experience God in all things.  In the joy of lying down to sleep, and in waking to a new day.  Of seeing the dawn lighten the night sky as I wait for my bus to work, in all of the residents and staff at work.  Each person is a part of the community.  Their just being there, being themselves, enriches us all.  I see God in this.  And so on through the day until I once again get to the joy of lying down in bed.  I also experience God in the bad times, when life is too painful to go on.  God is my constant companion in all of my situations.

I have been depressed for the past couple of months.  I was first depressed last year and it took me by surprise and I didn’t believe it, as I am positive and always see the bright side in all situations, and I am always laughing and being silly.  But I found that this didn’t make me immune to depression and for four months I found it almost impossible to get off the settee and do things.  My recovery has been slow.  Having eventually got to the point  of increasing my hours at work to something approaching normality I have once again been hit by depression.  It’s a blooming nuisance.   I have had some very dark moments, but even in the darkest of those, God presence has been just as close as ever.

In dark and difficult times being called upon to give a word of encouragement to these wonderful old people seemed even more of a challenge than usual and I wondered for a while of passing the task to somebody who might manage to be more cheerful than me.  And then I thought that would be wrong.  I am in this unlikely situation of talking to the old people, not through my choosing but because somebody (and maybe God) thinks that my personality and relationship with the people might be helpful somehow.  Struggling for something to talk about I looked through my Bible.  I found Psalm 16.  Never before has a Bible verse struck me so strongly.  It described my present experience of God and life exactly.

My talk was of God’s presence with us and his love for us irrespective of our state of faith, of our uncertainties and vagueness, in good times and in bad.  In conclusion I read out Psalm 16 in the simple words of the Good News translation.  Just because the psalm is appropriate to me, it doesn’t mean it is to others, but I thought I would give everybody the opportunity to hear it.  It’s all good but this verse is the one I find myself repeating throughout the day and sleepless nights.

“You Lord are all I have

And you give me all I need.

My future is in your hands

How wonderful are your gifts to me

How good they are.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it – Three cheers for God!

Dear Mr _

You may not be aware of the existence of an exciting new periodical entitled “The Fidgety Pewdweller.”  This quarterly publication is causing quite a stir in ecclesiastical circles as it examines the exciting world of churchgoing from angles hitherto rather overlooked.  With the addition of yourself to the mailing list, we are delighted to say that our circulation figures have doubled overnight.  An astonishing statistic, as I’m sure you will agree.

In the first issue, a mystery churchgoer drops into an evening service unannounced and reports back on her findings.  The full report on  _ Church can be seen in your complimentary copy of “The Fidgety Pewdweller” but to whet your appetite here are some statistics.  Scores out of ten were given for a number of categories:

Hugs and kisses – 8/10  An enthusiastic hug was given at the door by a bloke who was covered in aftershave, which left a lingering smell reminiscent of incense and which added to the atmosphere.  A number of other kisses were exchanged before the service and at the end there was a final hug by the bloke’s wife, even more enthusiastic than his, and which transferred a
different and yet equally pleasant perfume.  Our mystery churchgoer concluded that regular attendence at this church would remove the necessity to buy ones own toiletries, thus making a substantial annual saving to the household budget, which should not be sneezed at.

Value for Money – 10/10 There is no collection and you get a free notice sheet (See above for additional benefits.)

Banter – 9/10 There was lots of nattering before the service began, with plenty of laughter.  The congregation were enjoying themselves so much that they and the minister all seemed reluctant to break it up and get on with the main event.

Music – 7/10 The pianist was accomplished and included some flourishes in certain verses to break up the monotony of the
tunes.  However, the quality of the singing let the side down, with notable miming in some quarters.

Refreshments – 0/10 There were no lollipops such as those provided by The Little Chef.  This was very disappointing, and
might have had a negative impact on the score received for excitement.  However, in compensation for this sad state of affairs it must be acknowledged that the mystery churchgoer gatecrashed a pewdweller’s house and was plied with cakes and coffee before the service began.

Exercise – 5/10 The biting cold caused the mystery churchgoer to walk faster than normal between  and _, thus burning a few more calories.

Education – 5/10 The mystery churchgoer learned in conversation with a pewdweller that the addition of nutmeg to stewed apples makes all the difference.

Excitement – 8/10
The mystery churchgoer is easily excited.  The high score, however, might have been prompted by the thought of returning home to the last in the series of Downton Abbey.  In fact, she may have got confused and given the score for Downton Abbey to the church.

It was not in the remit of the mystery churchgoer to give any consideration to extra stuff such as prayers and sermons,
concentrating as she does, on the above essentials of a churchgoing experience.

We do hope, Mr _  that you are as excited as we are that your church has featured in the first issue of The Fidgety Pewdweller, and we trust that you will be reassured by our findings – that _ Church is a good place to hang out on Sunday evenings.  If a review of sermons and prayers is required, we will be pleased to do so for a very reasonable fee.  One of our junior staff is well qualified in this area, as she writes dodgy prayers and has a nicked sermon in her possession.

Yours sincerely
The Editor

I had always been scared of everybody and everything, never making eye contact with people and always afraid of making mistakes and getting things wrong.  In my previous job I was often asked to take on a new task and would always refuse, comfortable with the routines I knew and afraid to take on new things.  Then I became a Christian.  When I was asked at work to take on a new task there was great amazement when I said yes instead of no.  I was as afraid as ever, but I had decided I had to say yes and leave everything else to God.  Lo and behold, I managed the new job well and that was the beginning of a new phase of my life in which I grew in confidence.  Since then I have said yes on lots of occasions when my natural instinct has been to say no, and everything has worked out fine.  My confidence and the things I can do  have both increased, thanks to me letting God sort stuff out.  So, I have a tendency to walk through open doors.

A door has just opened for me and I have decided not to go through it.  I love my current job, working as a care assistant in a nursing home.  The people who live with us are elderly and all of them have dementia.  Many have lost the ability to walk, talk or feed themselves.  The work is extremely intense.  It’s hard work both physically and mentally, trying to meet the needs of everybody – their physical needs and their need for human interaction, conversation, touch, smiles, cuddles, listening to them, reassuring them, comforting them, entertaining them, often coming between residents who are having disputes, both verbal and physical, distracting people who are desperate to get out and go home, or get to the bank.  And then there are their families and visitors too, who are all a part of the home, and with whom we converse and offer cups of tea to, and are generally friendly with.  At all times there are many things going on, and getting all the physical tasks done whilst giving people the time and attention they need is always an impossible balancing act.  So the job is wonderful but has immense frustrations.  Amidst all the frustrations and busyness, wonderful things happen.  There is a smile or a laugh from somebody, somebody remembers how to walk, having been unable to do it for months, another person will come and talk to you about their anxieties and problems, people are grateful for small things that you do.  Every day is a massive mixture.  For me, it is being in the thick of God’s work.

Following a couple of shifts that were extra impossible I applied for a job that would be quite different, just taking care of one person.  I would have time to give them all the attention they need, sit and talk, read books, sing, massage their hands and feet,  look out the window and talk about what we can see.  No competing demands. It was very appealing.  I met the person and their family, we got on very well, I made a connection with the person I would be caring for and it would have been great.  I was offered the job.  And, after a day of thinking about it, I turned it down.  I will never know what adventures were waiting for me the other side of that open door.  I would have got to know this family and built a relationship with each of them and that would have been fantastic.  I’m sure I would have learned a lot, and there would be other people I would have met, visitors to the house and people I met on my journey there.  In not going through that door I have missed out on stuff and I will always wonder what would have happened. 

I have decided to stay where I am.  I had a choice of opportunities and I have taken the second choice.  To stay in my present job with all it’s busyness and frustrations.  I have been given a new opportunity to appreciate what I have and to see something of God in all of the people and all the situations there – and to recognise the part that I play in this amazing community.   I am very lucky.  Three cheers for God!

The practice of my faith is in interactions with other people.  I have the great good fortune to have many people in my life – family, friends, people in two church congregations, people at the day centre, neighbours, people I sit on the bus with or meet in the bus station - and at work there are all the residents, the residents’ families and visitors, and my colleagues.  I am constantly communicating whether by speech, look,gesture, touch, text or email.  As God is kind and patient and loving and generous with me, what is required of me is to be the same with all of the people with whom I interact.  This is my faith in practice.  It’s not complicated.

The theory of my faith is more tricky.  I have never had any problem at all relating to God as supremely brilliant parent with whom I feel absolutely secure and loved.  Holy Spirit also presents no problem.  HS is very definitely a helper.  However, I have always had trouble with both Jesus and the Bible.  I think my problem with the Bible is that the church at which I am a member has a very literal view of it and things like the creation story and Adam and Eve and other stories are considered to be actual events that happened.  I can’t go along with that literal view of things and so have had trouble engaging with the book as a whole.  By trying to learn a bit about the history of the Bible and how it came to be put together, through reading and having discovered  Mark Goodacre’s very interesting NT Pod, amongst other things, I am getting more enthusiastic about it.  I’m also trying to understand who Jesus is. I have just read “The Meaning of Jesus” by NT Wright and Marcus Borg and will need to read it again a few times before I can hope to understand what either of them are saying I think.

The theory matters to me because it is interesting and I want to get closer to the truth, and also because it’s a problem for me on Sundays and Wednesdays at church, when the stuff expressed from the front and agreed with by my colleagues in the pews is at odds with my own thoughts.  But really I think it’s the practice that matters rather than the theory.  Worshipping God is something that happens in our actions, in our loving people, I think, rather than in our thoughts and explanations, so I will continue to read and research and ponder, but I’ll also continue to just enjoy God’s company and my many and varied interactions with so many wonderfully diverse people.  Three cheers for God and for people!

I sold it last month.  Having been unwell since September and now down to very part time hours at work I could no longer keep it.  Being without my car has been a wonderful experience.  I now walk to the shops or ride my bicycle.  I am out in the fresh air in God’s creation, enjoying  the lush greenery of England.  I meet people on the pavements and we talk.  I catch buses to work and am really enjoying being in a communal space with a great diversity of people – people with learning disabilities, mothers with children, old people with trolleys, working people, retired people, unemployed people, school children.  I bump into people I haven’t seen for years and we happily renew acquaintance.  It’s unrealistic to make it over to my church in the neighbouring town for the two or three services on Sundays as well as midweek groups, so I have started going to my local church for the morning service.  It has been a very positive experience.  The church building houses three denominations.  The catholics have their services at the crack of dawn, leaving lots of candles burning and the wonderful smell of incense in the air, for when the other service starts at 11am.  This second service of the day alternates between  anglican and methodist.  The congregation is the same for both, it’s just the minister and the form of worship that changes.  It’s great.  And of course, I am getting to know lots of new people at this church too.  Something that wouldn’t have happened but for me selling my car.

I am reconnecting with my local community – and if I felt like a real person six years ago when I got my car, I now feel many times more real for all the extra interractions I have with other people on a daily basis.  I’m happy.  Three cheers for God!

"Killing for peace is like !#@ing for chastity." – George Carlin (1937-2008) I used that quote for my Facebook status update and it resulted in a message from a friend. "I am curious if you actually believe that there should be no 'killing for Peace'. That is a pretty dangerous statement." It is a dangerous statement. And I believe it. The people that I admire most who chose non-violent resistance over the use of force all put themselves in dange … Read More

via THE CHARISMANGLICAN

I was crying because of a sermon.  From time to time a sermon comes along in which the minister talks about our approach to God and how casual it can be.  How we don’t approach him with reverence and awe and we treat him just like another bloke.  And how we miss out on so much if that is our approach.

Well, every time a sermon like this comes along it’s hard not to see it as being in part directed at me – though my experience of writing thoughts and prayers of my own indicate that often the writer is also getting at themselves.  There is no denying that I am the most casual person in the congregation.  I always turn up in scruffy jeans, a hoody and trainers.  Perhaps more to be expected from a teenager than a middle aged woman.  I walk up to the pew, hands in pockets and whistling.  I stop frequently on my way up the front to dispense kisses and hugs and when I get to my position I tend to sit with my feet on the back of the pew in front and my arms spread wide on the back of the pew I’m sitting on.  Not, I admit, a reverent entrance to church.   Not as though I am entering into the presence of  Holy God.

So, this kind of sermon always makes me wonder about God and me and for a while I think I must have everything wrong.  I cry, because God is the most important person in the world to me. Without him, there is nothing and everything is pointless.  It’s not only in church I’m like this, it’s all the time.  God is just always there, right next to me, so close you can’t feel the gap.  He never goes away, so I don’t feel the need to come into his presence in some kind of special way.  He is my friend, although he is holy and pure and the almighty creator and sustainer of all things.  Despite being all these things and much more, he is also content to just be with me, bad, irreverent, lazy, self-centered person that I am.

I think this is one of the amazing things about God.  The creator of all things, God beyond my human imagination, is accessible to all of his people in whichever way they approach him, and in his endless kindness and gentleness he welcomes all of our approaches.  Some people with silent awe, trembling in his holy presence.  Some people with hands in pockets. 

I really don’t think he minds if at the end of prayers I say “Good old God!” instead of “Praise the Lord!”  It says somewhere about worshipping God in spirit and in truth and that’s probably what we all do in our own ways. 

Lord, I know I don’t understand you.  I know I don’t appreciate you.  I know I don’t love you properly, because if I love you I will keep your commandments.  But I do know that you love me and you love all of your people and I will never stop thanking you for that.  Amen.