Depression and Encouragement

It never ceases to seem ridiculous to me that I am on the team for the old people’s service at the day centre.  Being with the old people is not the ridiculous bit.  I love them.  They are a wonderful bunch of people.  Many in their late eighties or nineties have been lifelong churchgoers and, determined not to let arthritis, injuries, aches and pains defeat them, they come along with walking sticks and trolleys for the Sunday afternoon service and a cup of tea and chat afterwards.  Their spirit is uplifting.

Sometimes I make cups of tea, sometimes I welcome people.  On the odd occasion when one of the regular drivers is unavailable the old ladies cheerfully take their lives in their hands as I sit behind the wheel, and they call out conflicting directions to me whenever I get to a junction.  So far we have always arrived intact and on time.  It’s a bit ridiculous that I should be driving the minibus, but what is really silly, or always seems so to me, is that I should be entrusted with giving a thought for the day or the prayers.

My faith is developing in a way that is making me very vague.  I don’t have any certainties but this.  That God is love and we can relax in that love.  Recognising the unstoppable generosity of God’s love, our job is to be similarly generous in loving others.  I am fortunate to experience God in all things.  In the joy of lying down to sleep, and in waking to a new day.  Of seeing the dawn lighten the night sky as I wait for my bus to work, in all of the residents and staff at work.  Each person is a part of the community.  Their just being there, being themselves, enriches us all.  I see God in this.  And so on through the day until I once again get to the joy of lying down in bed.  I also experience God in the bad times, when life is too painful to go on.  God is my constant companion in all of my situations.

I have been depressed for the past couple of months.  I was first depressed last year and it took me by surprise and I didn’t believe it, as I am positive and always see the bright side in all situations, and I am always laughing and being silly.  But I found that this didn’t make me immune to depression and for four months I found it almost impossible to get off the settee and do things.  My recovery has been slow.  Having eventually got to the point  of increasing my hours at work to something approaching normality I have once again been hit by depression.  It’s a blooming nuisance.   I have had some very dark moments, but even in the darkest of those, God presence has been just as close as ever.

In dark and difficult times being called upon to give a word of encouragement to these wonderful old people seemed even more of a challenge than usual and I wondered for a while of passing the task to somebody who might manage to be more cheerful than me.  And then I thought that would be wrong.  I am in this unlikely situation of talking to the old people, not through my choosing but because somebody (and maybe God) thinks that my personality and relationship with the people might be helpful somehow.  Struggling for something to talk about I looked through my Bible.  I found Psalm 16.  Never before has a Bible verse struck me so strongly.  It described my present experience of God and life exactly.

My talk was of God’s presence with us and his love for us irrespective of our state of faith, of our uncertainties and vagueness, in good times and in bad.  In conclusion I read out Psalm 16 in the simple words of the Good News translation.  Just because the psalm is appropriate to me, it doesn’t mean it is to others, but I thought I would give everybody the opportunity to hear it.  It’s all good but this verse is the one I find myself repeating throughout the day and sleepless nights.

“You Lord are all I have

And you give me all I need.

My future is in your hands

How wonderful are your gifts to me

How good they are.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it – Three cheers for God!

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