cartoon: ball and chain

cartoon: ball and chain

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Will We Find Adolf Hitler in Heaven?

The evening service at church was a little different yesterday.  For the second half the minister invited us all to do whatever we wanted – to request a particular hymn, to read a passage from the Bible or to speak of our experiences with God.  It’s the first time we have done this and the response was great.  One lady started the ball rolling by requesting a hymn that really speaks to her.  She described it as her testimony.  She followed it with a prayer.  The next person to speak recounted a couple of events from the previous day in which he had in very simple every day actions been able to share in practical ways the love of God with people he came across.  Another lady spoke, telling of an answer to prayer.

I picked up the theme of the first half, which had been Jesus washing the disciples feet.  Judas was present among the disciples and like the others got his feet washed and shared in the last supper before heading off to betray Jesus. I said to everybody how I identified with Judas.  He only got to sell Jesus once for thirty pieces of silver, but I do it again and again for a lot less.  I told everybody about the painting of the tree of life that is in Chelmsford cathedral, and which I wrote about here back in August.  Judas is sitting high in the branches of the tree wearing his number twelve disciples t-shirt.  He, everybody and everything is restored thanks to Jesus.  I said to my friends that we could replace Judas in the branches with Adolf Hitler, Pol Pot…or myself.

From the look on my minister’s face I think it might have been a bit radical to suggest that Hitler is in heaven.  I’m a dunce and confess it.  I have little grasp of theology and don’t read my Bible if there’s something more light hearted to hand.  But I reckon that if we really believe in God’s love and forgiveness and grace, Hitler has as much chance of being there as I do.

“For the love of God is broader than the measure of man’s mind, and the heart of the eternal is most wonderfully kind.”

God and Mary. Teamwork.

Recently I was asked to lead prayers at the afternoon service for the older folk in the day centre.  This came as a surprise.  The person who had been going to do it had had to drop out.  The chap in charge in a moment of madness decided upon me to take her place.  

I enjoy  Wednesday evening prayers at church and usually feel moved to say something.  Everybody who goes to the prayer session has their own way of talking with God and that’s great.  God has given us all our unique personalities.  Some of us are formal, some are long winded, some are thoughtful.  And then there’s me.  For some bizarre reason, when I talk with God at church I become very working class.  I don’t do this at home or wherever else I happen to be.  I think it’s a reaction against the middle classness of our church.  And I also speak with him in a very relaxed way, in my working class voice, as if he was sitting in the chair two yards from me, hands behind his head and legs crossed.  The content of my prayers tends to be very practical and down to earth, reflecting on the experience I have had with God that day or during the week.  In short, although everybody does it their own way, my way is strange – for our church anyhow!

So it was a surprise for me when Maurice, having had experience of my prayers on Wednesday evenings, asked me if I would take prayers at the day centre.  Well, I tried to think how other people do prayers, if they follow a kind of order or if they talk about a particular topic, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember.  I think I do actually pay attention to the prayers when people are saying them, but not having anticipated that I would one day have to do it, I hadn’t taken any notice of the format.

So God, me and my laptop were sitting up until 2am on Sunday morning writing a prayer. After a bit of thought I decided that God had given me this spot not so that I could copy other people and say sensible prayers, but so that I could be me, do what I do and let him do his stuff.  However, knowing my tendencies I was rather concerned that I might call upon the old people of the town to rise up in revolution or something drastic like that, so from the depths of my cobwebby mind I dragged out a plan for prayers that goes ACTS – adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplication.  I thought that within this framework I could do my own thing yet hopefully not cause too much damage.

And I think it worked.  I did my thing and God did his.  Thank you God….and we’ve got to do it all over again in a few week’s time.  Maurice has asked us back

Judas and Mary smiling

Today I had a day off and went into Chelmsford.  I had discovered that the cathedral has a programme of free lunchtime concerts, two of which in particular had caught my eye. The Salvation Army North East Fellowship Band and a schools big band will be playing in October and November.   I think both of those concerts will appeal to a number of the residents and so today I was checking out parking spaces and wheelchair access.

It’s only the second time I have been to Chelmsford Cathedral.  It’s striking for it’s light and brightness.  The place has a very positive feel.  I chatted with a steward and some ladies who were at work arranging flowers.  I walked around inside and spent a long time in front of a large window shaped painting called “The Tree of Life.”  It’s a modern painting, on wood, of a mature oak tree.  On the left side part of the tree is dying.  At the base of the tree on this side is a landfill site and rubbish sacks.  Judas’s body hangs from one of the branches.  The right side of the tree is flourishing with green foliage.  At the base are lush fields of corn.  Adam and Eve, as children, play in the corn, wearing t-shirts with A and E on.  High up in the branches on this side is Judas, this time wearing a t-shirt with number 12 on the front.

What a fantastic, positive thing to see Judas sitting up in the branches with his no 12 t-shirt.  The twelfth of the group of Jesus’ friends back where he belongs.  Everything and everybody restored thanks to Jesus.  There’s hope for me and hope for all of us.

I’m looking forward to returning to the cathedral in October with the residents.  For some it will be many years since they have been in a church building.  I pray that for them, as it was for me, the visit will be positive and uplifting. 

God, you have such a soft spot for the weak and vulnerable.  I know that you love my friends and are involved in their day to day lives.  We don’t need to come to a cathedral to be with you.  But we will be coming, and you will be there with us.  Connect with my friends Lord in this special place.  May they know you love them and that everything is alright.  Amen.

And Three Cheers for Old People

Today was a silly day.  It seemed that everybody wanted to tell me off.  No sooner had I walked through the door than a queue of people appeared to tell me what I was doing that I shouldn’t be doing, where I was that I shouldn’t be, and what I hadn’t done that I should have done.  This doesn’t usually happen and it took me by surprise.  Being a sensitive soul my eyes filled with tears which at times overflowed as the day went on.  Then a latecomer who had missed the early rush came along to tell me about one other thing that I hadn’t done. 

Typing this now it reminds me of the Anglican prayer which goes “We have left undone those things which we ought to have done, and we have done those things which we ought not to have done..”  Ah well, if the whole of the Anglican church is saying this prayer every Sunday I can take consolation in the thought that I’m not the only hopeless one!

This afternoon I got out the knitting.  This reminded one of the old ladies that she had some knitting too and so she got hers out and we sat companionably knitting side by side for a while.  I’m so pleased.  The scarf she is knitting is one that I started but which she has appropriated.  She is doing really well  and it has stripes in red, blue and yellow.  When I started knitting some months ago it was with this lady in mind, but if I had suggested it to her she would have said “No thank you.” 

Then I got out one of the giant balloons and I played with nearly everybody.  They had me diving all over the floor and were hitting and kicking it with great gusto and lots of laughter.   The effect of a balloon is amazing.  People who have been glum all day are transformed.  Other people who haven’t seen our balloon antics before were astonished.  One man who is so weak and can’t usually move his limbs was moving his arm and making contact with the balloon.  And he smiled.

So a silly day was transformed into a day of laughter, happiness and success.  Thanks to some knitting, a balloon, a very brilliant God and thirty four wonderful characters.  Three cheers for old people.

“Dear friends.  Let us love one another because love comes from God.  whoever loves is a child of God and knows God.”

Three Cheers for God

This week God came on a boat trip with five residents, three of their wives, one maintenance man and me.  We had a smashing day.  We hired a canal boat that had been specially adapted for wheelchair use and in the friendly, competent hands of skipper and crew we set off downstream towards London.  The weather was kind to us and we were able to sit in the open air for lovely views of river and countryside.  Four of the residents were able to go on deck and take a turn at the helm.  Two of the wives operated the locks for us.  We moored and enjoyed a picnic lunch of sandwiches, cake, strawberries and cream.  Then we fed a family of four cygnets and their parents who floated up to us.

It was an amazing occasion.  How wonderful to be able to get the residents out into the beauty of God’s creation.  To smell the air and the water and to see all of the greenery.  The trip was particularly poignant because for two of our couples boating had been a part of their retirement plans before dementia came along and changed everything. 

It was a day full of laughter, relaxation and happiness.  It was made possible because of the fantastic volunteers who work for the Canal Boat Project.  And also because of all the staff at the nursing home.  The nurses and night staff who ensured that everybody coming on the trip was up and ready to go in the morning, the kitchen for preparing our sandwiches, our amazing maintenance man who is so good with the residents and the wives who threw themselves into the day with great humour and enjoyment.  Chiefly though it was thanks to God.  He was right there and I reckon he was smiling as much as all of us.

“To worship rightly is to love each other.  Each smile a hymn each kindly deed a prayer.”

Thank you God for all your love and kindness.  You’re the best.

Tent Pegs and Theology

I’ve been off sick for the whole of this week with temperature, sore throat, aches and pains and accompanying tiredness.  It’s unusual for me – unheard of really – to have to take so much time off sick.  It has meant that I’ve had a lot of time on my hands but not the ability to do very much with it.  Having spent time gazing at the computer and out the window it suddenly dawned on me that I could be spending time with God.  That should have been the first thought to cross my mind, not a last restort in the absence of other entertainment.

So, lying down I started talking with God and having apologised for yet again forgetting about him and demoting him to a position behind checking my emails and writing letters  I talked about an idea I’ve been considering and asked him what his thoughts were.  I opened my Bible to the story of Deborah in Judges, which is one I hadn’t read before.  It didn’t seem to have any immediate relevance to my situation unless it’s to advocate sticking tent pegs in people’s heads.  A little extreme maybe but an entertaining thought and an image I can’t get out of my mind!

On Wednesday evening I was feeling just about well enough to go to church.  Our minister has a special and unexpected project this week of going into the streets, talking with people, giving out leaflets and letting people know the church will be open this Saturday morning so that if any people feel the need or want to go into church they can and just sit quietly, talk or have somebody pray with them.  So a few of us went out in pairs to waylay innocent passers by and couples enjoying a quiet drink outside the pub.  It made me feel rather like a double glazing salesman or a Jehovah’s Witness but my partner and I had nothing but friendly and polite acceptance of our leaflets and our brief explanations.  Hopefully the message will reach somebody who has a need to talk about things.

Our walk took us past the parish church and I commented to my partner that there is a link to us from their website and that I thought it would be a very good thing to return the compliment.  I’m a very basic Christian I think. .. and certainly lazy.  In the four years that I’ve been a Christian my relationship with God has been developing.  He has been changing me and teaching me lots of stuff  but  I am pretty much untroubled by theology.  For me following Jesus boils down to loving God and loving other people and knowing that thanks to Jesus even though I am a massive sinner who often makes God sad (though hopefully sometimes I make him smile too) everything is alright.  Leave all the details to God. My simplistic approach gets me into trouble at times with my friends at church whose approach is more serious, studious, earnest, wise and mature.  One of the things I want to happen is for all of the Christians in the town to do stuff together.  At our church we are really trying to get involved in outreach to the local community and have lots of prayer about it and new projects getting off the ground.  At the parish church they also are trying to get involved in the community and are doing similar stuff.  It seems so crazy to me that we don’t talk together, pool ideas and resources, do things together in a spirit of friendship and cooperation.  I have brought the subject up on two occasions now with people in leadership and you would have thought from the shocked silence and looks passing from one to another that I had suggested hanging out with the local branch of devil worshippers…. though I think if there are any we should also be talking to them!  It seems that theology is a problem and gets in the way of people doing stuff together.  My minister is going to explain it to me.  In the meantime I’ll be very careful to leave my tent peg at home if I know I’m going to be in the company of my church friends!

Having realised anew my laziness and very laid back style of communication with God I have for the past few days resolved to turn over a new leaf.  Whenever we don’t have an evening service , which is quite rarely, I go along to the parish church for evensong.  I find the atmosphere and the language very helpful for conveying a sense of the holiness of God.  And so for the past few mornings I have been getting up early, lighting a candle and saying the Anglican Morning Prayer service.  Focussing my thoughts on God and who he is, rather than the quite “me” centred way that is my habitual way of  talking with him. 

Thank you God that you are always there.  You never forget about me though I am always forgetting about you.  You are always happy to see me when I remember you and come to spend time with you.  Thank you for the relaxed times we have and thank you for the things that help to remind me of your holiness.  Thank you for so many things including these words which have been such a help ”For the love of God is broader than the measure of man’s mind, and the heart of the Eternal is most wonderfully kind…” (There’s a Wideness in God’s Mercy.  FW Faber)

Time Off

Life has been quite intense for the past couple of months as I try to make inroads into the task of developing a culture of activity at work.  There have been many positive things taking place in this time but it’s a long term project and I’m aware of all the things that I’m not doing.  Realising that I wasn’t switching off from work I recently made the decision to go out for the day on Saturdays, away from the computer and the possibility of doing work related things.

My first day out was to Calais.  I used to make fairly frequent channel crossings but hadn’t been for a couple of years.  So I set off before six am on Saturday for the drive down to Dover to catch the ferry.  I love arriving in Dover and seeing the sea sparkling before me.  It’s one of my favourite sights in the south of England.  It was a beautiful day.  The sun was shining, the sky was blue and the sea was calm and as flat as a pancake.  You could see the white cliffs of Dover all the way over to France.

In Calais I had lunch at a favourite seafood restaurant overlooking the beach.  Afterwards I went onto the sandy beach, read my book and went for a swim.  Swimming is quite exciting as the ferries pass amazingly close to the shore and each time one goes by it makes a big wave.  It was a brilliant day and just the relaxation I needed.

The following Saturday I went to London and my son Samuel and I had lunch together.  We went to a very posh restaurant.  I first went there ten years ago and ever since it has been on my mind to return.  It’s the sort of place where the food bears more resemblance to something you’d find in an art gallery than in your kitchen at home.  It’s amazing.  The head waiter looked at us a bit doubtfully as we were both wearing jeans and sweatshirts, but I think the economic climate came to our rescue and they allowed a couple of ragamuffins in.  Everybody else of course, was done up to the nines and as posh as the establishment.  I’m really glad to have been there again. 

Last week I took a whole week off work and for three of those days I went to one of my very favourite places – Snowdonia.  When I was a girl my Mum and Dad took me on train journeys and one of these was to North Wales.  I couldn’t believe the scenery as the train passed from the flat landscape of England to the wonderful hilliness of Wales.  I fell in love with it then as a girl and it remains one of my great loves.  My three nights were spent in a bed and breakfast with a great view of the hills.  The walk into the village takes you through a farmyard with sheep, cattle and chickens, and then you cross over a foot suspension bridge that bounces as you walk, crossing a wide, green tree bordered river.  I enjoyed lovely walks along the river, clambouring over boulders and exposed tree roots and through the forest.  One of my walks took me to the seaside, to tiny, secluded sandy beaches with rocky outcrops.  I paddled in the water which was warm and clear.  Baby lobsters tickled my feet on the sandy bottom as thunder rumbled over the mountains.  It was beautiful.

Three cheers to God for the beauty of his creation and for rest and relaxation.  “How clearly the sky reveals God’s glory.  How plainly it shows what he has done.” Psalm 19

An Incredible Opportunity

For a month or so now I have been doing a new job.  I returned to work after my operation on light duties.  As we didn’t at that time have an activities organiser I was asked to fill in.  It made very good sense for the home and for me although the prospect of having to come up a constant stream of ideas for all of our residents was daunting.  It takes me a very long time indeed to even come up with one idea, let alone a month’s worth. 

However, when I became a Christian four years ago I found that one of the first practical applications was that I said yes instead of no.  Before I was a Christian I was very scared of everybody and everything and I tried to hide as much as possible.  Where I worked at that time, whenever the boss asked me to try a new job I would say no because I was so scared.  I just wanted to stick with what I knew and what was safe.  So the boss was extremely surprised when he approached me one day expecting my usual response, and instead I said “Yes.  Ok.  I’ll have a go!”  The difference was that I had become a Christian and although I was still terrified of trying new things and getting stuff wrong, I realised that God sends things our way.  We have to say yes even if we are scared and trust him to sort it out.  Well, the new job worked out extremely well and it was a platform for lots of other things.  If I had said no as I always had done, then many other things wouldn’t have happened.  That first experience of saying yes to God and trusting him to sort out the rest is something that I often look back on.  It’s something that’s been repeated many times in different situations since then and although I have found myself in scary situations God has always used them for good and I have grown in the process.  That’s not to say that I always say an enthusiastic “Yes!” to God when situations come along.  Quite often what I really want to do is to say “No!” and hide away til the situation has passed by.  And sometimes I do say no. Who do I think I am to say no to God?  Shouldn’t I know better by now?  The concluding words of a recent sermon come back to me… “Don’t mess with God.”

Anyhow, so having filled in as activities organiser for a few weeks I was very surprised to be offered the job permanently.  I took a while to think about it.  The benefits are huge.  I get to spend time with the residents without the pressure of having to do other essential things.  I devise my own programme of events and come up with different ways in which to engage our residents and to give their days meaning and pleasure.  It’s an incredible opportunity to have an impact on the whole atmosphere of the home.  But it is also a big responsibility.  It’s early days and I go home in the evening very aware of all the things I haven’t done.  However, it’s a long term project.  We’ll see what happens.  So far this week we have painted our own versions of Van Gogh’s Sunflowers – the residents amazed me with their concentration and the pleasure they took in their art.  We have made chocolate chip biscuits , played prize bingo and had a visiting lady who got everybody singing and playing tambourines along to well known music.  Tomorrow we will be watching The Sound of Music and having cuddles with a guinea pig.  Friday will be a game of beetle.  As well as these organised events, in spare moments I get out the knitting and a number of ladies are giving me helpful advice, sometimes even knitting a few rows for me.  It’s my hope that we can have a knitting group in due course and work on a simple project.  Each day I encourage residents to take part in normal household things – tidying up, sweeping, washing up, laying tables and flower arranging – things they would do in normal everyday life.  It’s good to have a sense of purpose and routine.  And then there are the weaker folk who are unable to take part in these activities but for whom I need to find things to give them pleasure.  I’ve made rummage bags that people can hold on their laps, made of soft material and with a variety of sensory things inside that they can explore.  We play games with balloons and a number of people who are frail and normally very quiet join in and have fun.  Often though, it’s simply spending time sitting with someone and having a conversation and a cuddle that is the most important thing.  I love our old people.  They are amazing.  They light up my life. 

Thank you God for the old people.  Thank you for our community with all it’s ups and downs, arguments, outbreaks of peace, love and good humour.  Thank you for being there and for the work you do each day in all our lives.  Amen.

It Must Be My Age

I don’t know what’s going on.  It must be my age.  I very nearly swore for the second time in a week – and this time it was in the prayer meeting at church.  I really think I should have done it.  The minister had started off the meeting by saying that he felt that being a Christian was often just taken to mean being nice.  And whilst he felt that he was a nice person (he is!)  maybe we shouldn’t always be quite so nice.  So there we are.  I had been invited to be less nice than normal, an opportunity immediately presented itself thanks to my friends, and I let it go to waste.  It would have been brilliant to see people’s reactions. 

So what shocking words were on the tip of my tongue to say, and with great feeling too?  ”Sod theology!”

I won’t write the whole story here but I’ll be delighted to recount the tale  to any interested family members.  I think it was entertaining. 

I love my friends at church.  We are all so different.  With all our very varied strengths and weaknesses and wildly differing thoughts on everything, we have one thing in common.  We all know that God loves us and that because of Jesus everything is alright.  Three cheers for Jesus.  Hip hip hooray!